Hi there, this is my first story on here.   If you like it, Nick might have to get pregnant again

It is Saturday 23rd August 2008 and yesterday was my last day at work for a few weeks.   I still find it somewhat amazing that I, a man, should be sitting here 38 weeks pregnant.      You may have seen the recent documentary on the five of us who were part of Herm07.   If you haven't seen it, basically they discovered some evidence that two men became pregnant during world war ll through eating a berry that grows on Herm in the channel islands.      This evidence came to light through the researches of the fetility expert, Robert Winston, in his quest to help couples who can't have babies the natural way.   The first five clients got pregnant in the Herm06 project.   I was fortunate to get involved in the next wave.   More of all that it involved and how it all happens will come later.
 
How did I come to be in this condition?   It goes back over several years.   My sister Sarah, who I would do anything for, and her husband Clive have been trying to have children for ages.   There are three of us children, Sarah being the eldest and is now in her mid thirties.   My brother Simon is a couple of years younger and is married to Emma and has two lovely kids.   I was something of an afterthought and am ten years younger than Sarah and am 23.
 
Eventually, the desparate quest of Sarah and Clive to have a child got them to see the World reknown expert, professor Winston.   At this stage they would have done anything to have a child.   Winston told them of this new treatment which would enable Clive to carry the baby.  This must have been in early 2006 before the first project so Winston had to explain that it was an untried technique.
 
My brother-in-law refused to have anything to do with the idea.   It is hardly surpising really.  He is a fitness coach and earns a lot of money by looking good.  Getting a pregnant belly and losing his body to a baby would not do him or his career much good.   But he had an idea.   Clive takes up the story:
 
I can't remember when exactly this idea came to me, but it was after Sarah and I had seen professor Winston.   He had suggested that a way forward for us would be to try this new technique where I would carry the baby.   Some amazing evidence had come to light that would enable men to carry babies.   This sounded pretty unbelievable to me, but apparently in World War ll there were two British Soldiers who missed the evacuation from Dunkirk, but managed to eventually steel a boat and began to set off for England.   It was a brave but impossible thing to do and they got caught in fast tides and then a storm and eventually their boat got smashed on some rocks off the Channel Islands.  When it became daylight they managed to swim to Herm, the nearest Island.
 
The island was occupied by the Germans, but the two soldiers managed to keep out of their way for nearly three weeks.  What with the difficult conditions on mainland France and the time at sea, the two men were suffering from malnutrtion and very hungry, but all they could find to eat were these apricot coloured tiny berries, about the size of blue berries.   That was all there was to eat, so they ate them.   They managed to survive for another two or three weeks before finally being discovered by the Germans and taken prisoner.
 
Some papers were discovered recently on Guernsey, the neighbouring island, which managed to  escape the general distruction of papers the Nazis did when it was becoming obvious that they were losing the war.   In it there were amazing revelations of what happened on Herm in the war years.   It is documented that one of the Nazi soldiers abused both those soldiers and they both became pregnant and gave birth to healthy children.  What is more, he did it several times before the men were shot a the end of the war.  Their bodies have never been found, nor have the babies that they produced.
 
Prof Winston and his team did a lot of research and in the process discovered how the island got its name.   Hundreds of years ago when the island was inhabited, the men were all hermaphrodites.   Hence the island's name - Herm. Winston is convinced that it is these berries that are unique to the island and so far, no one has been able to grow them anywhere else.  So he stared the Herm 06 project to see if it will work today.
 
He went on to inform us that there client list (a maximum of 5 because the berry stock will only support that number) was full for 06, but he had some takers of 07 which would run if 06 was successful.   It was very kind of him to explain it all but it was a complete waste of time.  There was no way I was going to carry a baby.   A guy with a huge gut as a fitness trainer was not going to happen.
 
However, Sarah had other ideas.   We had thought of surrogacy, but we both didn't like the idea of a stranger bearing our child so we didn't really consider it.   It was obvious we were going to get into an argument in the consulting room, so the Prof suggested that we talk about at home over the next week or so, as it was obviously a big decision to make.  He also advised us not to hang about too long as placed for Herm07 were going fast.
 
Over the next few weeks, Sarah went on and on about it.   She managed to find counter arguments to all my arguments   The more I thought about it, the more I couldn't do it.   I so wanted that we could have a child, but so didn't want to carry it myself.  This was a huge dilema made worse by seeing Sarah's brother Simon and his family so happy.   I so wanted that for us too, but it seemed impossible to have, unless I sold my body to pregnancy.  And then in the middle of another sleepless night I hit on a brainwave.   Nick.
 
Nick is Sarah's kid brother.   As long as I have known him (I guess nearly 15 years now) he has always been a bit different to other guys.   He has never had a girl friend as far as I am aware, but the connection I really made in the middle of that sleepless night was the fact that he was fascinated by both of the preganacies of Simon's wife, Liz.   He was always asking questions about what it felt like and that sort of thing.   That night the penny suddenly dropped that it wasn't any coincidence that he is a trainnee manager for Mothercare.
 
I put the idea to Sarah, who didn't dismiss it as out of hand straight away, though it was obvious that I was still the ideal solution.   However, after a couple of weeks she came around to the idea.  In fact she loved the idea of her kid brother who was very close to her, bearing our children.   We invited him over to ask him.
 
I will never forget the night that Sarah and Clive asked me to have their child.   Of course, I knew that they were trying so hard for a baby and was so disappointed for them that it hadn't yet come to pass, but I had no idea that there was a possibility that men could get pregnant.   My initial reaction was to be thrilled to be asked and excited at the prospect of having a baby.   From as young as I can remember, I have always wanted to have a baby.   So it was agreed that they would arrange for all three of us to see Prof Winston.
 
What a nice man he is.   He explained the whole thing to me and what I would be taking on.   First of all, I would have to starve myself for a month to get pretty thin and malnourished.   He thought one of the reasons the berries had such an immediate effect on those soldiers was because they were malnourished before they started eating them.   Then I would have to spend three weeks on Herm at end of June and beginning of July to eat the berries, and then it would be a question of waiting to see if I transformed into a hermaphrodite.  Once that had happened, I could then conceive in the normal way.
 
Then the whole rollercoaster started.  By the time we saw prof Winston after first being asked, the idea and what it would do to me, started becoming more real.   It was great to be pregnant in my imagination, but how would it be in reality as people noticed me get bigger.   How embarassing would it be to explain to them that I wasn't getting fat, but that I was pregnant.   People would stare at me and my big belly in the streets and say things behind my back.  They would think I was wierd.   On the other hand, I would be doing a wonderful thing for Sarah and Clive.   That in itself could be compensation.   But there would be nine months of it before I even considered the other stuff like morning sickness, back ache, mood swings......
 
So when the prof asked if I was prepared to take the final place in the client list for Herm07 I was diffident to say the least - wanting to do what was good for Sarah and Clive, but now not at all sure that I could stand nine months embarassment apart from anything else.   It was made worse by the prof telling us that he was seeing another potential client the next day.  Talk about pressure!.   Sarah, Clive and I went to discuss it over lunch.   And that was really where there was no turning back.
 
Sarah and Clive were desperate for me to say 'yes' and managed to persuade me to agree now while the place was there and that if I did change my mind, nobody would mind if I cancelled as there was another guy in the wings waiting to take my place.   And so I agreed and signed the papers that afternoon.  It has to be said that if I had more time to think about it and reflect on my own, I would have said 'no'.
 
As it has turned out, I am pleased that I said yes.   Even at 38 weeks gone I can say that it is great being pregnant even though I am big and very slow now.   I love this belly which gets in the way the whole time.   I now I am over the embarassment of having a gut that cannot be hidden, I enjoy the attention.
 
This attention has got even greater in the past couple of weeks.   The BBC got news of the Herm06 project but it was too late to get the clients on board to do the whole process from start to finish.   So early last year the prof and the clients were asked if we would be willing to be a part of a documentary.   I was very unsure, being shy and not wishing to put myself on display.   However, there was quite a good fee and my proposed pregnancy was costing Sarah and Clive a lot.  The fee would go some way to defray the costs, so I agreed.   It also meant that I got to meet my fellows in this early on.
 
The documentary is in two parts.  The one that has just been shown goes up to the conception, which explains all the science - the story - introduces us and who we are and why we are doing it.  The next one will be of our pregnancies and the birth of our children.
 
But that is to jump the gun somewhat.  Once the papers were signed way back in June 2006 there was not much to do except wait.  Sarah and Clive didn't mention it in conversation probably not wanting to bring it to my mind, so that I might dwell on it too much and change my mind.   In fact I didn't give much thought to what I might have done until the BBC contacted me in March 2007 about the documentary.
 
I would have backed out of the whole scheme then and there if I hadn't felt this huge obligation to continue.  I felt trapped by the fact that I had signed the form and taken the place of another who might have had more courage to face this than me.  So I kinda drifted along with it all in the hope it might never happen.   Of course, it did, and I have a belly to prove it!
 
It was about this time too that the Prof called us all in for a briefing.  It was to talk about the plans for our preparation.   As I am (was!) a skinny guy, my dietary preparation was only a month.  The chunkier ones of us had to start immediately.   We were given diet sheets etc.   As it turned out, I went from 130lb to 110lb in a month and lost a further 5lb while eating berries on the island.   I got to be one really skinny guy.   But the real revelation of the month was that the majority of the Herm06 clients were well established in their pregnancies and they were all having twins except one, who was having triplets.   We got to meet most of them.   One of the guys was 6 months gone and he was getting pretty big.   He looked well though, and said he was enjoying the experience.   I think he might have been saying that because his wife was there.   You could tell by the way he moved that he was carrying a lot of extra weight and it wasn't that easy.  The guy with the triplets was still in shock as it had only been confirmed a day or two before.
 
Looking at these pregnant guys made me immediately want to be pregnant.  They looked so great.  At the same time I remember thinking that I couldn't possibly go out in public looking like they did.   By looking at these guys I reckoned that I could get away with it for 3 months, but the guy who was four months couldn't hide what was growing in his belly.   I began to truly realise what this pregnancy would mean and I knew that I couldn't go through with it and began to think of ways of backing out.
 
Of course, Sarah and I went to the day along with Nick and we could see that he was having real difficulty with the pregnant look.   And who could blame him.   The guy who was 6 months gone was really quite big and he was a stocky guy, not slim like Nick.   Both Sarah and I thought he was going to bottle it at that stage.   And who could blame him.   I certainly wouldn't want a body like that even in private, let alone in public and we now knew about the TV documentary which would make Nick's pregnancy very public.   It was important he didn't back out now as we had invested a lot of money already and it would be a double whammy if he did as we would not get some of the TV money which was at least off setting a small part of our investment.
 
It was interesting to see Sarah's change of attitude towards her darling little brother.   From wanting entirely what was best for him, she now was determined that he should carry our babies.
 
Actually, meeting the Herm06 guys was only a small part of the day.   We were given a lot of infomrmation and practical stuff.   They explained what would happen while Nick was on Herm and how his body would develop afterwards.   Then there was the whole conception thing.  Whilst we were clear we would like a September or October baby, as this would be best educationally for our child, we hadn't really thought about the fact that we might be constrained to the timing.   Within any year they need that cohort not to all produce babies at once - quite reasonable, if you stop and think about it!  However, it did mean that the guys needed to conceive at least a month apart and the choice of conception date (depending on the guy's menstrual cycle) was done on a bidding senario.  The first on the list got first choice.   As we were the last on the list, we suddenly realised that we might not get what we wanted unless we waited a year.   Somehow, now we couldn't do that.  We would have to make the best of it.
 
Sitting here now 38 weeks pregnant and looking at my huge belly, it is hard to believe that all those months ago I thought the guy who was 6 months gone was enormous.   I know that I truly would have backed out if I had have realised quite what pregnancy would do to my body and my lifestyle.   Actually, if I had had more courage, I would have definitely have backed out then and there, but I kept waiting for the right moment to say something and of course, it never came.   So I found myself  preparing to travel to Herm.      At the beginning of May, as we had arranged, I went to stay with Sarah and Clive so that they could help me monitor my eating.   Actually, I didn't find it hard to eat a little as I was beginning to get really nervous about the whole thing and when I am nervous I don't eat much.   S & C were really kind and affirming and telling me what a great thing I was preparing to do for them.   In fact the whole month was an affirming time eventually.   
 
S & C said I really ought to get my employer on board with all this.   So the three of us went to see them to talk it through with my boss.   He issued an emphatic 'no'.   If I was to do this, I would have to resign.  While S & C would be prepared to 'keep' me, it would mean a career break that probably wouldn't get looked on too favourably by future employers.  After all for all they knew, I might go off and get pregnant again.   So we were all very down hearted by that.   
 
But a few days later, I was called in by my boss, who had been talking to his bosses, who thought it would be a great idea and get a lot of good  marketing opportunities for the firm.   After all this would be the first time a pregnant guy would be serving pregnant women in Mothercare.  So in the end they have been very generous and helpful, giving me time off for clinics etc and some paternity leave which I have just begun , which gives me the time to write this up for you.
 
That six weeks of dieting went quite quickly and by the end of it, not only was I very skinny, I was beginning to believe that I could do this strange thing.   S & C took me to Guernsey.  They weren't allowed in the clinic on Herm but they saw me on to the boat with the other four guys - probably to make sure I did it!   Once there, there was no way of getting off except swimming and it looked to be way too far for me to swim.   Me and the other guys were there for three weeks.   They got us to harvest our own berries morning and evening.   The rest of the time they got various enterntainments for us and we did some classes on male pregnancy and what could be expected and all that kind of stuff, and of course, the eating of the berries.    There were also various therapies to help us come to accept our bodies and the changes that would happen to them.   The most embarassing and strange, at least to begin with, was that we had to go naked the whole time.   To begin with, while I loved the feeling of freedom it gave in private, I hated being with the others and you could tell we were all embarassed.  By the end it was all perfectly natural and a great way to live.   I never wear clothes at home now except when others are there, and when this is over, I plan to explore naturism a bit more, whether I get my body back or not.
 
While we were there the first guy of Herm 06 was delivered of his twins.   Sadly, one of them died in the womb just before he went into labour.   The other was fit and healthy.   Of course, as I sit here now, all the first cohort have been born and it was the same pattern throughout; one died just before the birth and the others were fit and healthy.   The guy who was having triplets, also had two die but the other is fine.   So we are all prepared that we shall give birth to hopefully one healthy baby but no more.
 
This year two of us are having triplets.   Like last year, it is the skinnest guys who are having them.   So me and Craig have huge bellies which look massive on our small frames.  The theory is that as we were so light when we had the berrie diet the substances in the berries have a greater effect and make us more fertile.   In the Herm 08 cohort that went this year, I believe they have a minimum weight of 150lb to try and stop triplet pregnancies.
 
You would think that three weeks on a tiny island would seem like an eternity, but it didn't.   It soon passed and we all reconvened with partners (and in my case S & C) on Guernsey for the final briefing.  Talking to the other guys about it, none of us felt any different after the 'treament', even if we were a bit lighter and now hermaphrodites.  It turns out that we weren't at that stage, but that we now needed to eat well, so that the transformation could take place.
 
After that we would start 'bulling' which the prof explained was what he called a period in a male.   Once we had had three bullings at the same regular interval (which could be anything from 2-4 week intervals - there appeared to be a huge variation in the men so far) conception would be allowed to take place.   It appears to be turning out that the skinnier the guy, the more frequent the bullings take place. 
 
Amongst all the other things the debrief told us, Craig and I were advised that we didn't conceive until we were at least 140lb.   I don't know about Criag, but I had never been that heavy.   But we were given a diet and a work out routine so that we built muscle to help us carry our babies when they arrived in our forming wombs.   As Clive said as we left to have a meal with just the three of us:'let the fattening begin'.   I didn't know whether he meant the general weight gain I had to do or the pregnancy that was to come.
 
Luckily by this stage, my apetite had returned with a vengence and I responded well to Sarah's cooking, the work out routine and the Cambridge diet supplements.   By the beginning of August I had gained back all the weight I had lost for the initial phase of the programme.   My body had undergone the tranformation and I had my first 'bull' early that month.   That is a weird experience, especially shoving tampons up your arse and using pantiliners in your crack.   Needless to say, I started regularly bulling once a fortnight.     Luckily I didn't find bulling any big deal, not like women seem to with their periods, even though I experienced heavy bleeds every two weeks.  It was just inconvenient that was all.  
 
Next, negotiations needed to take place as to who was allowed to conceive when.   For me, to meeting S & C's criterion of a September or later birth, I couldn't conceive until December.  That meant a lot of bulling.  While Craig made the transformation as quickly as I did, others in the cohort were slower.   Craig and his wife opted for a pregnancy as quickly as possible.   He must have reached the magic 140lb by September because that is when he conceived.   He was the first of us to give birth - again, one healthy baby, two born dead.   Still no one knows why.   Apparently, even though I haven't seen him since Herm, he got huge at the end and hadn't been out of the house for ages.     At that stage, apart from me, no one else had got into a bulling pattern and it wasn't until early November that the conceiving dates had got organised.
 
It turned out that my bulling time  just fited in with an early September birth.   It couldn't go later because of the conception of an someone further up the list month later.  My conception date was fixed at 30 November and with a 40 week pregnancy, would take us to 5th September.  That is my due date.   So far, though, all of the guys have been two weeks late or more.  The guy with the triplets last year was nearly 4 weeks late as was Craig a month or so ago.
 
So it could be another six weeks of this.   Do I mind?   Not really.  I always knew I wanted to be pregnant, and now I am very pregnant.  By the time I conceived I had got to 160lb thanks to Sarah's great cooking and some hard working out.   That extra muscle paid off and I continue to work out to enable me to carry all this extra weight around.   Last November my body looked extremely good and very buff.  I suppose it is still quite buff, just with a bit of a belly on it!!   At my last weigh in, I was a little over 250lbs.  This is hardly surprising as it turns out that guys give birth to big babies.  So far the smallest has been 10lbs and that was Craig's - carrying three makes them a bit smaller.  That's what they keep telling me bu way of encouragement - because there are three they will be smaller and so easier to give birth , but as I keep reminding them, I have to do it three times!   The largest to be born was nearly 15lb - the poor guy who had that one -  the average being around 12lb.
  *****
But back to the beginning of my pregnancy.   How I would conceive I think was a huge issue for S & C.   I don't know the full details, but when they discussed it with me, they said they would prefer it if it was a 'natural' conception rather than using any gadgets.   That suited me fine because it was the way I preferred it.  I didn't really want a Turkey baster shoved up my bottom.   It was interesting that while we were away with the other guys on Herm, all of them were going for the natural conception from the designated father, and it seemed, they preferred that idea too.   I wonder what the fathers thought.  I am pretty sure that Clive was not keen.
 
Getting Nick from his return from Herm to the point where he conceived was something of a roller coaster ride.   He came back from Herm full of enthusiasm for the project and felt really well.   He put the weight that he had lost for the project fairly easily and I became his personal trainer.   I wasn't that keen on doing this, as I didn't really want to be seen with Nick later in his pregnancy when he would be working out with a huge gut.  It wouldn't be a good advert for my skills!   However, as Sarah so pointedly said, it was the least we could do for Nick as he was doing this huge, huge favour for us.  Of course, she was right.  And Nick turned out to be a good client.   His body really responded well to the diet and training.
 
He stayed with us for about two months after returning from Herm.   He is hugely independent and wanted to go back to his flat earlier, but we peruaded him to stay as he began to go back off the idea again and we felt that if he was with us we would be better placed to talk him round again.   I think it was partly due to the fact that all last year's cohort had multiple pregnancies but also because only one baby of the set ever seemed to survive.   However, by the beginning of September he was back on track and enjoying life and his new more muscular body.
 
Because he was bulling every two weeks he was advised initially to drink at least one pint of Guiness per day.   It turned out that this was not enough to keep his iron levels up so as far as I know he usually had 2 or sometimes three.  He has continued this, under doctor's advise into his pregnancy.    So Nick, as well as developing quite a buff physique, started developing a small beer belly.   I don't like bellies on guys, but this looked really cute.  Nick was obviously embarassed by it and started wearing baggy clothes, which was a shame because apart from a small gut, he had a good body to show off.
 
All this provided another down for us to get over.  Nick liked his new buff body and didn't want to spoil it by getting pregnant.   Sarah and I worked hard on him saying he would get his body back afterwards.  I don't think any of us really believed it, but Nick seems to have the kind of body that responds well to training.
 
As we got towards the end of November I was beginning to dread the 30th more and more.   Sarah and I had had huge arguments over how to get Nick pregnant with my sperm.   I was all for doing it artificially.   I had no desire at all to enter Nick.   But Sarah wanted it as natural as possible and wanted to be there at the conception.   We talked about it for weeks, and in the end Sarah won as she always did.   Nick didn't seem to mind either way.   The only plus point I could see, was that the project's experience to date showed that guys always conceived first time.   I was so hoping that would be true for Nick as well.
 
The day came and Nick came round, but what with the thought of having sex with a man and Sarah watching, it took me ages to 'perform' but I did eventually.  Nick and Sarah seemed to quite emjoy it.
 
 Sunday 24th August 2008
I never realised I had so much to write about in this, but I suppose it is a pretty big thing.   As you can see Clive has been keeping some comments too, and I have tried to put some of his notes in at the relevant places in italics so that you can tell his comments from mine.
 
I totally love being pregnant.  To me, to be so big is a total turn on even though it is hard to do most things now and impossible to do some.   I love the way it lies in my lap when I sit down.   I love the way my belly gets in the way; the way I can't get close to the table to eat, but can more easily use my belly as a table to eat off.   Even typing this is a bit awkward as there is a lot of belly between me and the keyboard.  That's why I started my paternity leave this weekend really.  Standing on the shop floor all day, this pregnant was really quite tiring even though I loved doing it.   People have been so kind and say what I am doing is great, both staff and customers alike.  The customers love to be able to be served by a man who knows what it is like to be pregnant.   So I shall miss work and when I return, I shan't be pregnant any more.   I would certainly like to be pregnant again, and if I follow the general pattern of the other guys being pregnant, I shall only have one live birth out of the three, and I know that S & C would like four children a year apart.   I might well do more general surrogacy after that, it is just so great to be pregnant.
 
The best part is knowing that three new lives are growing in there and feeling them move around.   It is a wonderful feeling even though they are getting sooo heavy now.   People keep asking me how I feel about the probability of two of them dying.   The strange thing is that, at the moment, as long as I produce one live birth for S & C I shall be content.  I hope that doesn't change when it happens.   And if I was only pregnant with one, I wouldn't be this big, and being this big is sooo good.
 
I haven't always felt this way though.   It is only the last couple of months that I have had this great feeling.   It wasn't that I hated being pregnant before, I just hated having to be in the world and be pregnant.   Even before the conception, I started getting a beer belly from all the Guiness I was drinking to keep my blood iron levels up.   I did my best to hide this by wearing my shirts untucked etc.   I couldn't do this at work where the expected dress in the shop is white shirt and tie and black trousers.  I was mortified when, before I had even conceived, one of the older asssistantants came in one morning with a new pair of trousers for me.   My normal ones were getting a bit tight (well very tight) with all the Guiness.   Bless her, Jean had gone to a lot of trouble to find low rise gents trousers with an elasticated waist, which is actually just what was required.   All the staff had been briefed a few weeks before about my impending pregnancy and she thought my beer gut was it!   The reason I was mortified was that she had noticed I was getting fat.   But the trousers were great, with 5% lycra they fitted really snugly and so showed off my increasingly muscular butt to its full potential.   It is a great design of trousers which I have been wearing ever since, though in a larger size now.
 
 By the time we got to the conception date, I really, really didn't want to do this, but by that stage I knew I couldn't let S & C down.   I don't think Clive wanted to it on the night I went round either as he was faffing about for ages before he entered me.   It was my first experience of sex and it felt good even though it was brief.
 
For the first few weeks after conception, I didn't feel any different.   Then, the day before Christmas Eve, I woke up to get ready for work and felt really ill.  The next day I threw up three times before going to work.  I must have looked terrible when I got to work because Jean was really sympathetic about it.   Her kindness made me burst into tears.  I really wondered what I had got into.  Then my nipples started getting sore and I felt absolutely knackered all the time.  Christmas and New Year were not very good for me, because I felt so ill.   The film company came specially early in the morning one day to film me throwing up.  They just wanted to show that blokes got it the same as the girls apparently.    It all seemed to be happening and I didn't like it.   I continued feeling ill until March, when suddenly I realised I wasn't feeling ill or tired any more.
 
By this stage I was really hating my body as it was hard to hide my slowly expanding gut which protruded more and more over the elasticated waistband of my trousers.   I couldn't get rid of it by sucking it in anymore.   I began to feel really self-conscious about my belly.   A few weeks later I could really feel people staring at it.   I was in quite a public place being in the shop most of the time, except for the day a week when I went to management school.  They didn't know about the pregnancy at that stage.
 
About this time too, the shop started to make a thing of my pregnancy by advertising the fact that I was there and pregnant.   I have to say it was good for sales!  They came flocking in to see me and I had to wear clothes that showed my pregnancy off to its full advantage.   I hated it but it was part of the deal for time out for clinics and paternity leave.   The low point was one Saturday when the shirt I was wearing had got a bit tight across the gut.   I heard one guy singing new words to 'I'm to sexy for my shirt'.   He had changed them to 'I'm too pregnant for my shirt'.   I suppose it was quite funny really, and I would love it now.  But back then it was too embarassing to think about.
 
So what changed all that?  It happened in the space of week in May.  The guy who does my monthly check could see that I was getting more and more agitated by my pregnancy.  When I went for the check up in May I was getting pretty big.   But it wasn't the weight that was bothering me.  Thanks to the work outs I was still doing with Clive I could cope with all that.   It was just being out in the world I had trouble with, knowing everyone was looking at me.   The doc could see this, and he suggested I take a break - on my own.  This seemed to me to be madness, as I would have all the time in the world to reflect on what a fat freak I was becoming.  But the doc knew what he was doing as he suggested a particular place.  It was the hotel in which we had had our post Herm conference.
 
It is a family run hotel on Guernsey which as it turns out are well into all that goes on at Herm.  The seven hour journey on the ferry (I advised it is best not to fly in my condition) was awful.   It is only a small ferry and so few people to spread the stares amongst.   However, once I got there, after a day or so, I started being confident in being me - a pregnant me who was going to give birth to triplets in just over three months time.  The doc had his psychology right.  There was something about being in the supportive environment of the hotel and being away from my usual surroundings that gave me the opportunity to find myself.   Suddenly, I had the confidence to go into bars to get my daily dose of Guiness looking like this and I could now easily take my gravid belly  into restaurants to feed my growing brood.  I felt proud to walk down the main street of St Peter Port displaying my belly to the world.   I returned home a new person.
 
The first five or six months of Nick's pregnancy were not easy for Sarah and I to watch.   We both really felt for him as he had morning sickness really badly for quite some time.   At the beginning of March his small cute belly really started growing big time and you could see he was getting really shy about his size.   I noticed when he came to the gym the stares he got from others.   As he is a really shy sort of person, I could see why he would feel so embarassed about his gut.  It didn't do a lot for me either.   Once he got over the morning sickness, he has looked really well.  He always has a good colour now and looks really fit.
 
And I have to confess that I had very mixed feelings myself.   Professionally, I didn't like this well-gutted guy coming to me for personal training, but as Nick got bigger, he got sexier.   I loved the cycle he went through of his shirts being loose, then getting tight across his gut and then him buying some new ones that were losse again which all too quickly got tight again.   Nick hated it even though Sarah and I were really supportive and genuinely liked his shape.   He would wear tight shirts for us, but got hugely upset one Sunday lunch when he was in a shirt that was a bit snug.   It was, I think, the first time he had got to the tight shirt stage - it was Easter weekend.   It wasn't really tight - at least when he arrived - but Nick ate a huge lunch -which we always encouraged as he is eating for 4 and burst two buttons off his shirt.   Sarah laughed but Nick burst into tears saying how much he hated his body - that he was like a beached whale and all that kind of thing.  I worried at the time what the next five months were going to be like.   After all he was getting big, even then.
 
However, Sarah and I were more concerned about his mental health.   Not that we were in any way going to suggest the pregnancy was terminated.  On that level we were determined to see this through, even if it meant Nick suffering.   We had a quiet word with his doctor about it who recommended this place on Guernsey.  The doc explained to us that several of the guys suffer the same thing and a week alone on Guernsey at this particular hotel has alwasy done the trick.  And it did the trick for Nick too.   He is a transformed person who now really enjoys his pregnant body.
 
Thursday 5th September
 
Sorry I have not updated for a while.   There is no reason really, except not having to go to work makes you lazy.   It also has a wierd effect on the mind.   Not only do I have food cravings, but I get erotic ones too, even though they aren't directly involved with sex.   So months ago I started getting a really short haircut - a No 2 or sometimes shorter.  Now I have a craving for a big tattoo over my belly.  It think this would be really hot but haven't had it done in case it damages the babies.   YOu read such terrible things about hepatitis and tattoos.   I have been so sexually alive since I got pregnant, though I am far too big now to do much about it.   All this time to think makes it worse.
 
I was sprung back into action yesterday as I am still going to my day release management school.   The rest of my class were all amazed to see me yesterday as they hadn't seen me all summer and I have grown a bit since I last saw them.   I have stopped driving now as it is getting too awkward, so have to go on the bus which is a pain.  The college is the other side of town so I have to change buses half way.
 
The class have been really cool with my pregnancy since I told them.  I didn't get around to doing it until after I came back from Guernsey and had more confidence.   Up to that point, I didn't really hang out with them.  Then I started to hang out with them and told them straight away.  I got a bit of joshing but all done kindly (I hope) and they were please that I was pregnant.  They thought there was something wrong with me to get a gut like that.   They took the micky out of me for working in Mothercare but hey, that is all part of the fun.
 
Today is my due date, but there is no sign of anything yet.   I had a check up on Tuesday (more bus rides) and everything is fine, but the birth doesn't look imminent.   I love being this big and carrying a big belly around.   I love squeezing onto full buses with people trying to move out the way for my belly.   Mind you, my now fullsome butt gets pinched quite a lot these days in such situations and a lot of people feel they have the right to touch my gravid belly.
 
They have been doing that for some time.   When I was still trying to hide my belly (how futile was that when I think back?) I used to hate it.   Once I had got more confidence in my size I have begun to enjoy it.   I am lucky enough to live very close to the sea, and I really enjoy walking along the sea front either with a T shirt stretched across my belly or topless.   I get some wonderful looks and it is suprising how many people touch it.   I like to think that my increasingly bubble butt is attractive too especially in the black lycra shorts I like to wear on such occasions.
 
I increasingly go naked where I can, not least because it is getting so damn hard to get down to my feet to get anything like pants over them.   Of course, I don't go out in public like that.  I might get arrested for a start.   Maybe I should try it, just to see what the police might do with a pregnant dude!!
 
People often ask if I get back ache.  I do a bit especially if I have been standing around for a while, but it soon goes if I sit or lie down.   Thanks to the workout routine I don't suffer too much.   I still go to the gym three times a week, though I move about it far more slowly these days.
 
Thur 19th September
Still no sign of my babies arriving though it must be soon.  Surely I can't get much bigger than I am now.   I have just had my daily waddle down to the sea front.  I like the sea air and all that goes on with the sea.   The people down there seem to like looking at my belly.  I came back via the supermarket.  I still find it wierd after all this time pushing a trolley with all this gut out in front of me.   I usually use the disabled check out as it is wider.   The normal ones don't seem to have room for all for me and the trolley.  As it is, it is awkward getting stuff out of the bottom of the deep trolleys as I have to reach in sideways.   Needless to say that I go to the supermarket often as I have four to feed.
 
NOt much else has been happening.  It's just a case of waiting for D day.   Clive took me out in his classic car -  a lovely old sports car - to give me some enjoyment.  I love that car.  It really goes and has a great sound to it.  UNfortunately it is very low.   It is quite difficult for me to get in, but getting out has now got very undignified!.   I don't think I shall be doing that again before the birth.
 
The trip brought back to mind the canal holiday we all had in August; S & C and Simon and his family.  I now know why they call them narrow boats.   They are very narrow when you are nearly nine months pregnant.   It was very relaxing but I did find it hard to get comfortable.   I couldn't fit behind the table to eat, the shower was proposterously small and I had to reverse into the loo to sit down as once I was in there I couldn't turn round.   And all the corridors on the boat were too narrow.   Actually I found the whole experience very sexy.
 
Nick has been great in the latter part of his pregnancy.  He is really enjoying it now despite the fact that he is mega huge.    I am so grateful that he is doing this and no me.  I should hate to be that size.    I nearly got him stuck in my classic car last Saturday.   He couldn't get his knees up past his belly to get out so I had to kinda drag him out.  He must be approaching 280lb now so it was no mean feat.
 
I should have realised really.  He had enough trouble on the narrow boat holiday in August.  It was just not built for someone his size.   Every time he stepped on it from the shore the boat rocked because he as got so heavy.   Nick said he enjoyed the holiday, but I don't see how he can have done.
 
Sarah and I are on edge now as the due date has past, and I know others have been four weeks late, so there is time to go get, but we can't wait for the birth.  The suspense is killing us!   Nick doesn't seem that bothered by it and seems to take one day at a time.   We have offered for him to stay here, which we would prefer really as we can keep an eye on him, but he prefers his independence.  He assures us that he will let us know when he goes into labour.
 
Tuesday 1st October
I woke up last Saturday 'not feeling right'.  I couldn't exactly put my finger on it and I didn't feel ill or anything, just a bit more uncomfortable than normal.   Anyway, I went off shopping as I usually did on a Saturday morning.  The surprise came as I was walking home and my water broke all over the pavement.   There seemed to be gallons of it but thankfully there was no one much around to see it.   I remained quite calm and got home and cleaned up a bit, put my shopping all away before phoning S & C.  It was Clive who answered who went into overdrive, saying I should get to the hospital immediately, till I reminded him that I hadn't had any contractions yet.
 
The first contraction hit about lunchtime.   I can honestly say that I have never felt anything like it.  It was so painful but somehow it gave me a good feeling.  They were very sporadic for a few hours and then towards the end of the afternoon they got more regular.   All this time Clive kept phoning to see how I was.  At about 4 pm I suggested they come and pick me up to go to the hospital.
 
It was to be another 24 hours before the first baby was born.   It was pretty exhausting going through all that.  I thought the contractions would never end.  The wierd thing was, if you can have such a thing as 'good pain' this was it and while it really hurt, I found it a fulfilling kind of pain.  It would be too much to say that I enjoyed it but it kinda gave me a sense of pleasure after it had passed.
 
It is only when you are in situations like this that you realise how stupid people are who design facilities for a specific purpose.   For instance, we spent quite a lot of time in the cafeteria, which I found quite uncomfortable because the tables and chairs were all the immovable sort bolted to the floor - and you've guessed it - I couldn't fit between the chair and the table.   I know I was big (well huge!) but honestly!
 
Anyway, things didn't really get going birth-wise until Sunday afternoon, by which time I was pretty tired.   Giving birth is painful - sooo painful.   I thought I was giving birth to an elephant.   All that pushing - I thought my entire insides were going to come out.    The first two were born dead, one at about 4 pm, the next nearly four hours later.   The third came much later in the early hours of Monday.  Waiting for her to arrive was excruiating as we didn't want her to be born dead too.   But Chloe was born fit and well at 2.13 a.m much to all our relief.
 
What an ordeal that was, but it was worth it if only to seen the raptuous joy on the faces of S & C.   And I have to say, that I so enjoyed being pregnant once I had got over the fact that everyone was looking at me.   Just at present my body looks a bit of a mess, but I am sure I can soon get that back.  I am walking on air just now as my body became 90lb lighter with the births, though I am a lot heavier than the 130lb I was before all this began.   Would I do it again?   Too right I would.