Both my hands rested on my belly. My left hand was moving over the top, and my right hand clasped the front. It looked like I was trying to hold my stomach from falling off my body. When the feeling began to subside, I saw Jenn was staring at me kind of awkwardly. “Do you have that feeling, all of a sudden?” she stared at me.
I was dumbfounded, I couldn’t speak. Was she hinting to me that she knew I was pregnant? My suspicions were cleared when she said, “Because I’ve never seen anyone who’s not pregnant have that sensation.”
She didn’t know.
Suddenly, a wonderful lie came into my head. I knew how to stave off suspicion, which was obviously in her. She was eyeing my belly, waiting for the baby of move inside me. “I have Couvade’s!” I said.
“What?” she asked.
“I have Couvade Syndrome.” I told her.
“What do you mean?” she asked.
“Jenn.” I began, “I am feeling that warm feeling! Right now! Only, It’s not pregnancy. It’s because you are!”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Jen turned away.
“I’ll explain!” I said, “Couvade Syndrome is sympathetic pregnancy. It happens to men. Ever since the moment I’ve met you, I had sympathy for your predicament. Because I felt that way, I started to get morning sickness, and just nausea. I had weird food cravings, and general fatigue. Then, I grew this belly, the one that sticks out of me now!”
“Are you trying to tell me that you’re…” she hesitated, “pregnant?”
“No!” I said, “Couvade Syndrome means that because I have sympathy for your pregnancy, I’ve developed pregnancy-like symptoms. It’s a psychological thing. It’s nothing I can help.”
“Wait.” Jenn said, “You feel bad for me… and that means that your body tries to make you go through what I’m going through?”
“Yes.” I said calmly. “It happens.”
“So it does.” She said eyeing my belly, “Now that I think about it, we do have comparable belly sizes.”
She looked at her tummy, and then at mine. We both were in pregnant glory. She laughed. “You’re not pregnant.” She said, “But you might as well be.”
“Yeah.” I giggled. I put my hands on her belly. I felt a vibration from the inside. Her baby was moving around. Instantaneously, mine did too.
“Wow.” She said, “We’re like a…” her words faded out.
“Like a what?” I asked.
“Promise you won’t yell at me if I tell you?” she asked.
“Yes.” I said, “I promise.”
“Like a pregnant couple!” she blurted out.
“Yes.” I said, “Just like one.”
We paused for a moment to both sit on the couch, and pretend that we were the only ones in the world. At least, that’s what I was doing. “Hey, Andrew.” She said. I looked over to her and was smiling at me, “You’re glowing.” She continued.
“Me?” I asked, “I’m not even really pregnant.”
“You’re still glowing.” She said, “It’s like… you’ve been glowing for months. I think that’s why I wanted to talk to you in the first place.”
“Yeah.” I said, “I’m glad I’m a glowing sympathy-pregnancy man.”
She giggled. “I love you.” She said.
Suddenly, the good feeling vanished. Instead, a feeling of nausea took its place. “Jenn,” I said, “You’re a nice girl, but we can’t be together. It’s just-“
“Cut the horse-shit!” she yelled at me. I was afraid of this mood swing she had just taken. “Dammit Andrew, I’m not going to be here tomorrow, and if you want to talk to me, now’s your last chance!”
_______________________________________________

After, what I can only say was an appalling and indescribable night, I awoke with a violent headache. I could barely get out of bed, for a half hour’s time. Instead, I gazed at the clock, watching the hands indicate each minute had passed. Jenn lay right next to me, her hair let down completely. She was still asleep. She was obviously better at coping with what had transpired than I had.
By the time I was ready to climb from bed, my headache became general nausea, and it kept pulling me back under the covers even further. But yet, I stood from my bed and stretched. My pregnant glory hung right from me. It was at this point I realized, I had reached the quickening, and I would from this point forward, be visibly pregnant, and awaiting birth. I was, after all, more than halfway along. I knew I had nothing to fear, but fear pet me paralyzed.
As I walked downstairs, I decided I would only have a breakfast of dry toast, for my nausea had come back. It was strange, I had not felt morning sickness since it dissipated at the end of the first trimester, yet I was sure I was having it now. Possibly I was apprehensive about the rest of my life, but I felt this was natural. It shouldn’t be haunting me like this.
I ate my breakfast, and it felt painful. Not the sort of pain one feels when one is poked by something sharp, but a sort of dull pain, like a punch to my lower abdomen. My belly began to ache. I could hear the fluids in my stomach rumbling around in a nervous rage. The baby inside of me kicked once. I closed my eyes, and imagined that I wasn’t pregnant. That the pain had gone away.
But unfortunately it hadn’t subsided and instead grew worse. I knew what I had to do. I made my way to the bathroom, to lose bodily fluids in a most appalling manner. Something I had not done since the first trimester. Unfortunately, as I kneeled over the toilet to do my business, I neglected to shut the door, and I forgot I wasn’t alone this morning.
As my luck would have it, Jenn appeared right at the door, right after I finished with my sickness. “Trouble?” she asked?
“Nothing.” I said, “Just ate something that didn’t agree with me.”
“You mean like that one bite of toast you had?” she pointed to my breakfast, which was still sitting on the table, “That disagreed with you?”
“No.” I said, “It was what I had for dinner last night.”
“Really?” Jenn asked, “Really? You were feelings great last night.”
“Yes well…” I didn’t need to be reminded of last night’s events, “It held ove on me. You know, a recurring thing.”
“What could you possibly have eaten that made you feel sick?” she asked.
“Fish.” I said, “I had an undercooked fish dinner last night.”
“Am I supposed to believe that?” she asked, “Do you think I’m stupid? When I came in last night, there was an open can of Tuna still sitting on the counter. You don’t cook canned tuna!”
“Okay!” I said, “I don’t know what’s making me sick.” I lied right through my teeth.
“Then why lie about it?” Jenn asked me moving closer to me, “Like I said I’m leaving today. If you have something to tell me, tell me now.”
“I thought I was sick.” I said, “And it turns out, I just threw up for nothing.”
“What?” she asked.
“It happens.” I turned away from her. I was destined to keep my secret to myself.
“I don’t think so.” Jenn said, “Please don’t keep secrets from me. I thought I had your trust.”
“You do!” I said, “And I’m not keeping-” the words faded in my mouth. This suddenly became a lie I would stretch no further, “It’s hard to live my life.” I finished, “In ways you can’t imagine.”
“I can imagine quite a lot.” She said, “I know you have it tough. But I do too. Please, you can tell anything to me.”
“Some things are just not good for you to hear.” I said, “Please stop asking.”
“Andrew!” she said, “I know you’re hiding something, and you just won’t admit it.”
“You’d be shocked.” I said.
“I promise I won’t be.” She convinced me.
“And scared.” I said.
“Cross my heart, and swear to die.” She told me. “Please, tell me, the woman who loves you, what happened to you?”
As my mouth stayed silent my mind spared no expense in giving me an answer.
I couldn’t lie to Jenn anymore, and I knew it. And plus, no one ever made me promise not to tell. Especially not the woman I fell in love with. But my own personal embarrassment held me back. I was stayed by self-consciousness. But then I realized, how could I ever be embarrassed by my baby? It’s my son, or daughter inside me, and I should be humbled to become a parent. I’ve been given a gift, a gift that’s never been given before to male, and I should treasure it. Why should I be afraid? Yet the thought of lying to preserve my identity my relationship and my future kept growing in my mind. It grew more appealing with every moment. “Tell me anything.” Jenn whispered sensually in my ear.
Finally, I made up my mind.
_______________________________________

But, as it was, I was happy being in this little setting. Granted the solitude was now growing dull, and I had done everything I could to keep myself from going mad these past few weeks. But I decided, since I had forgotten to do so yesterday, to conduct measurements. For every weeks I was pregnant I measured my growing belly week by week, in order to make this become a reality for me. Now that I was “showing” through even the biggest shirts I had, this was my new reality. My weight gain was consistent and I was glad for that. It meant that both the baby and I were healthy.
As I measured myself for this week, I took the time to examine my body, and see every physical change I had. For one, I noticed what Jenn had told me. My belly-button was gone, flattened out by the amniotic fluid inside me. Instead, there was a flat, stretched portion of my skin on the front of my stomach. As I finished with my measurements, I looked at my arms and legs, and saw that they had swollen just as well. My body was retaining extra water in any place it could.
More realistically, I noticed a small brown spot on my arm. As far as I could remember, that spot had always been there, but it was very faint. Never before had I seen it with this color before. Now it was a deep brown, similar to Pine Tree bark, but one solid, unanimous color. It had no distinctive form, but I wondered why I’d never seen it before. Maybe pregnancy brought it out. Maybe I just refused to notice until my body actually began to change. I didn’t know why it became the way it did.
But realizing I had this blemish on my arm, made me realize the blemish on my belly. I looked at the Crimson Marking, which had not changed color or consistency since I last had looked. I was at the point in my pregnancy, where the part of my belly with the mark on it, was no longer visible to me. The mark was emblazoned just below my navel, and because of the curvature I gained, I couldn’t look on it with my own eyes anymore. I tried to feel it, but the red areas had no different of a feeling from the rest of my skin. I could only see it in the mirror. Its shape was still distorted, but it was coming into some form I still couldn’t discern. But I knew it looked very familiar to me.

I awoke lying on my side, on what seemed to be an abandoned beach. I barely remember anything from when I woke up, except the gentle pulsating of the waves on my side. My hair was filled with sand, and drenched with both lake water and my own sweat. I was breathing heavily, like there was a giant weight on my chest. There was much less wind, comparatively to when I was on the lake. The sun was shining through the trees like some sparkling gen was hidden in the branches. My eyes focused after a few seconds of lying inert. I could barely move, my muscles felt so heavy. I had no idea what time it was, or where I was. The frightened me the most.
But the next sensation that overwhelmed me was very particular. It came deep from within my belly. I felt a low rumbling vibration deep within me. It felt as if I had starved myself for a while, or the gases in my stomach were throwing a fit. But then, as I clasped a hand on my belly for protection, I felt the curve of when the baby was. The poor thing was having a pre-natal temper. I tried to calm it down, but it wouldn’t stop rolling inside me. It knew something was wrong, and I did to. It was hard to guess what had happened to me.
But before I could settle my stomach, I needed to find my bearings. I stood up, as cumbersome as I could, to find I was on the shore of the lake. I could still feel the wet sand on my face. As I brushed it off, I saw I was on a beach. But this was unusual. There was nobody around. I couldn’t see any houses or cars. I walked along the beach for another few feet, until that one sensation consumed me.
I collapsed to my knees from weakness this time. I was desperate for help now. But as I looked up from the beach, after what seemed like an eternity, I saw a pair of brown sandals in front of me. I looked up, and saw a man, with brown hair, and a thick beard staring at me.”
Are you okay?” he asked.
“I think so.” I said, “I just don’t know where I am.”
“This is Sebago Lake.”
“I know that.” I stood up, “I was out kayaking in the lake earlier, but my boat was swept up against a rock, and I think I lost consciousness. I woke up right over there.” I pointed to my imprint in the sand.
“You washed up here?” the man asked.
“Yes.” I said, “Or maybe. I don’t know.”
“Do you need help?” he asked.
“Do you have a car?” I asked back.
“Yes.”
“Good.” I straightened out my hair, “I need to get back to East Side Cabins. Unit 10”
“I know where that is.” The man said. “I can drive you over there.”
“You don’t need to!” I insisted, “Just tell me where they are and I’ll walk.”
“No please!” he said, “It’s a long walk from here, and you’re probably still dazed from your accident. Please, you can use my car.”
“Alright.” I was agreeable, “Except…”
“Except what?” he asked.
“I had a kayak today.” I said, “It wasn’t mine, it was a friend’s. I can’t see it anywhere around here.”
“Well, it’s a big lake.” The man said, “And knowing the currents, It’s probably to the South shore. You should look there but I can’t make any promises.”
“I know.” I said, “It’s a shame I lost it.”
“Well, it’s not like they’re hard to come by here.” He said, “Probably if you just explain your story and ask him for…” I heard the man stop talking. I looked at him, but his eyes didn’t meet mine. Instead he was gazing at my belly, and examining it. I realized I had one hand on the bottom of the bump supporting it. I quickly removed the hand and looked at him.
“Is something the matter?” I asked him, slightly offended.
“Nothing at all.” He said as we walked over to his grey sedan, “Please, hop in.”
I sat in the passenger seat of the car. I was ashamed I would soil his silver-colored cloth interior, but I supposed he wouldn’t mind. But still, the tidier in me was screaming at me for doing this. One half of my body was still covered with sand when I sat in his car. I looked embarrassed as he came in.
“Don’t worry.” He told me, “I’m getting the interior cleaned in three days.”
“Good.” I nodded.
He started his car, and we drove off on the road, that led through emerald woods, with 300 year-old forest on each side. Every now and then we’d pass a house, some rural model with a reflective roof. I sat silent, as I memorized the route he was taking.

I walked to the inn at the end of the long road. The road was bare, so I had no problem baring the true size of my stomach out. Of course, it was still protected by a jacket. The late summer evenings were cool and temperate, and I did not feel like getting cold tonight. Although, it wasn't windy, and I did feel fine. After the days events, I was lucky to be feeling anything.

I could feel two sets of quivering coming from inside me. One came from my stomach. I could feel the liquids in my stomach tossing and turning, rumbling for food. I walked further so I could get a hot meal, and quell the quivering. Then, I felt the baby move inside of me. The movement was instantaneous, and often subsided after quick fits. This movement would not be quelled by food, or drink, or anything of the sort. This one was here to stay. But I was not all unhappy about it. In fact, I could feel the baby start moving in rythm to how I was walking. I could feel it inside of me. I placed my hand on my stomach, for to let it know its father was there for it.

Walking along this road was becoming more of a strenuous activity. I could feel it in me. The extra weight I was carrying was affecting me. My knees had grown weaker because of the unnatural strain my body was never expecting to carry. I tired faster. Even in the "hormonally upbeat" second trimester, I was still wearing myself out. I knew sometime in my life, I would lose my waistline. I just never expeted it to be in my mid-twenties, and from a pregnancy.

Luckily, my long walk was over, when I was rewarded with the sight of the inn. The building itself was over 150 years old. It was built for when the 19th century residents of Boston would take the train North to spend a weekend in the woods. The whole inn was a historic sight. It was painted white, with vinyl siding. The entire first floor was replete with windows, and I could see into the lobby, and the restaurant. It made me feel good to see this old sight being treasured like it should. The people there respected it. They knew they had a precious landmark in their hands. And they kept it well. It was a good inn. If I ever could I would take my child there someday.

I walked in through the wooden front door, and stepped into the lobby. All the walls in the room were made of pine, and for each electric light that kept the room alit, a candle stood as its partner. When I walked up to the front desk, which was also pine, I was recognized immediately. "Andy!" the clerk said, "How sweet of you to come."

"It's nice to be here." I said, "For closing weekend, that is."

"I take it you're here for dinner?" she asked.

"I hoped so." I replied.

"Well I'm not sure." the clerk told me, "Usually you'd need a reservation. But I'm sure if I talk to Flo, she'd find a table for one."

"Only if she says so." I replied.

"Flo!" the lady called back, "We have a special guest!"

"In a minute!" said Flo from behind a closed door. Flo emerged, here curly white hair was nicely cut, and looked porfessional. She must have been at least seventy years old, but she had run the inn since she was a young woman.

"Andy!" Flo said, "So glad you could come!"

"So glad too, Flo." I said hugging her, "I came about dinner."

"Yes of course!" she said, "I think we can find accomodations for a good friend! Come on, let's see if we have some place available!"

She led me into the dining room. This was the part of the inn that had been converted into a restaurant. There was a bar set up in the back, and tables graced the room itself. The tables were made of all varieties of wood. I admired that. It was authentic. I felt I had lacked that in my life.

"There is a table." she said, "By the window. Please, seat yourself."

"I'd be glad to." I said. I found the table she pointed to. I was right next to the window. It overlooked a small grassy pasture, which became emerald pine wood. The inn sat upon a small hill, which the whole pasture was right by. I couldn't see the lake, but I could see for a bit into the wood.I satred there as I awaited my dinner.

It was at this time I could finally relax. I waited for the waitress to drop by and serve me. Until then, I was alone, and I didn't feel bad about it. I was rather glad that I could unwind, and let all the negative thoughts I was busy repressing flow out of me like a poisoned river. I was glad for these moments. When I was alone but still in company. It made me feel that I was not iving in an isolated world.

"What do you mean, he didn't come back?" I asked. "Where did he go?"

"That's a good story." Flo said, "If you wouldn't mind me telling it."

"Go ahead." I motioned to her as I took yet another gulp of water.

"Every year, during the first two weeks of July, we in the town would expect Mr. Wellesley to come back. It was like a holiday, here at the inn. We all prepared to meet him, and greet him with our affections. But six years ago, he didn't show up."

Flo paused, as she tried to remember what happened. I was very anxious for her to continue.

"Anyway," Flo said, "We were all distraught. We wanted Arnold here. He was so nice. But he didn't come. We called his work, and we discovered he had gone missing. We didn't know where he was, or why he had gone, but nobody knew where he was. We kept checking back to see if Mr. Wellesley had returned, but nobody found him. By winter, the search was called off. We couldn't find him. Months went by, where we all assumed he was dead. Finally, that Same July, we got word that Mr, Wellesley had returned. Apparently, he had brought back his twin girls with him. He claimed he was on a mission to Eastern Europe, and had lost contact with his business associates. He came back, apparently from Greece!"

"What was he doing there?" I asked.

"Your guess is as good as mine!" Flo said, "He wasn't on any mission or anything. He just decided one time last summer to fly out to Greece, adopt two girls, go into hiding, and come backa year later."

"He was gone for a whole year?" I wondered.

"From June 2004 to June 2005." Flo said, "Nobody knew where he was."

"What happened when he came back?" I asked.

"He got his job back." Flo said, "Of course the management wanted to drive him away because he scared them half to death. But Arnold convinced them to let him back in. He still had his wealth and largesse, but something was different about him. When he came up to Seabgo that year, he avoided us completely. It was like he had never been there. He didn't want to be recognized by anyone. He bought his own cabin, and cut himself off. He still comes back every summer, just so he can shut himself in his cabin in the wilderness."

"A real life hermit." I said.

"Yeah." Flo responded, "He is a hermit. I haven't talked to him in years. I don't know what he's afraid of, but around here we don't talk to him anymore."

"That's the strangest thing," I said, "because I met him earlier today!"

"You did?" Flo asked, "Did he actually talk to you?"

"Yeah." I said, "He told me about his daughters, and his business. That plastics firm. We talked for a bit."

"Do you know how rare that is?" Flo asked."I don't even think Arnold has communicated with his family in over six years!"

"He just disappeared?" I asked.

"Disappeared from our minds." Flo said, "I don't know why he decided to make contact with you."

"Because I didn't recognize him." I responded, "I was the only one around here who didn't know him. He just might be afraid of going back to the way thigns were."

"Did he tell that to you?" Flo asked.

"No." I told her, "He seemed like a normal guy to me."

"If you see him again," Flo began, "tell him we want Arnie back." Flo stood up and waved goodbye as she walked away from me.

My dinner had already been served, and had been sitting in front of me for a few minutes. As I began eating, I began to think about this Arnold Wellesley. Why did he go? What was so important that he had to give up a year for it? And why was he so fascinated in me? Though I knew relatively nothing about Mr. Wellesley, or his motives, I did know where he lived.

I felt it was time to pay him a visit.

My knock was ansered by a small child. She was girl, whose stood only as high as my waist. She was about six, and had long streaming red hair. She had freckles on her face, and dark brown eyes. She looked so nervous to see me.

"Hello?" she asked shyly.

"Hello." I said, "Is your father here?"

She nodded back at me.

"Can I talk to him?"

"Uh-huh." she nodded again, "Daddy!" she shouted as she ran into the house, "Someone wants to talk to you!"

I waited a few moments, before I did see Arnold at the door. He took one second before he recognized me, "Oh hello." he seemed just as nervous as his daughter.

"Hi." I said, "Can I come in?"

"Sure." he said, "As I walked inside."

"I never got the chance to properly thank you for helping me today." I said.

"It was nothing." Arnold shrugged, "Really, it wasn't."

"No it meant a lot to me." I said, "I just wanted to thank you."

"I don't believe I caught your name." Arnold said, "Have I ever met you before today?"

"No, sir." I said to him, "I'm Andrew Doherty. This was my first summer up around these parts."

"Well," Arnold said, "I'm glad you liked it. I always loved it up here."

"Yeah," I said, "And I was wondering your name." I feigned ignorance.

"Arnold Wellesley." he said, "You might have heard of me."

"I think I have."

"Well, there's a lot of stuff going on about me." Arnold turned away, "I've just heard so many rumors. And a lot of the people around here treat me like I have the plague."

"I'm sorry." I said.

"It's nothing." Arnold said, "Not as long as I have these two to keep me company." He pointed to his daughters. I could see that they were clearly identical twins. I could tell them apart, because one had shorter hair than the other, but the two girls looked practically alike sitting on the couch together. They were both working on a jigsaw puzzle. They sat quietly, and paid no attention to my being there.

"Yeah." I said, "It really is gratifying, isn't it?"

"No doubt." he said, "Those two just light up my life."

"Daddy?" one of the girls asked, "We're missing a piece!"

"Missing one?" Arnold asked, "You didn't lose it?"

"No." she shook her head and smiled.

"Did you have it before?" he asked.

"No." she shook her head again.

"Where is it?" Arnold asked.

"I don't know!" she giggled.

"Alright, you two." Arnold said, "It's way past your bedtime. We'll find your missing piece tomorrow."

"But daddy!" the first girl said.

"Sorry." he said, "I've got to get to bed too, you know."

"Okay..." the girls sulked upstairs. "Goodnight, daddy." they both said in unison.

"'Night girls!" Arnold said to them. "They make it all worth it."

"That's good." I said, "It's nice that you have support from them."

"Well," Arnold said, "If only I could get it from the town. That would be something."

"I don't get it." I said, "I heard really good things about you. Arnold Wellesley-2003: solves Sebago Teacher's Strike. Arnold Wellesley-2002: Generously donates $100,000 to local charities."

"Arnold Wellesley-2004: missing!" Arnold sat down on the sofa, "That headline ended my whole social life. It nearly cost me my career too."

"Don't you have a family whose with you?" I asked.

"No." Arnold said, "I haven't seen my father in three years. My mother passed away when I was young."

"And you didn't stay in conatct with them?"

"Aw hell, what's the point?" Arnold walked over to the kitchen to start the dishwasher. "I take it they told you about it?"

"About what?"

"About my foray into Greece?" Arnold did not even look at me as he said this.

"Yeah." I said, "They did."

"Well," Arnold said, "I've heard all those things too." Arnold walked back over and sat down next to me, "And not one of the rumors was true."

"Why do people say it, then?" I asked.

"I never told anyone why I was in Greece when I came back." Arnold said, "And when I decided to tell people the rumors had already started, and they were so ingrained in everyone's head that they would never be replaced."

"They didn't believe you?" I asked.

"They still don't."

"Why did you leave?" I asked, "What made you do it?"

"My health, mostly." he said, "I got real sick that June. I found the only person willing to give me the treatment to keep me alive was in Greece, and I went. And I did do some mission work. I got better, I came back, and everything changed."

"And the girls?" I kept asking, "What about them?"

"I found those two," Arnold choked up, "The two were abandoned on the side of the road, both swaddled up in a blanket. They were newborn babies, and they had been left alone. The two were starving and nearly hypothermic when my convoy came across them. We took them back, and brought them back to health, and I agreed to take them back to the US."

"You adopted them?"

"I thought they'd have a better chance here." he said, "Rather than out on that mountainous countryside road."

"When did you get back?" I asked.

"The following year." he said, "I called my father to tell him I would be coming home. He cried when heard my voice. I didn't know I was missing. Everyone was convinced I had been dead. My very act of returning was like a ressurection to them."

"They must have been upset." I said.

"You don't know the half of it." he said, "Everyone was furious at me. All my business partners, who were all my good friends, wanted to sue me. I was lucky to not be in jail."

"But didn't you tell them you were away for your health?" I asked, "You had a reason."

"I was scared, okay?" Arnold said, "I was afraid they wouldn't believe me. Ironically enough, by the time I was ready to tell, it was too late for anyone to believe me."

As we paused after he was finished, I heard a crashing sound coming from the bathroom. "Son of a-" he said, "Excuse me for a moment." He walked away to the bathroom to see what had fallen.

While he was gone, I decided to browse the pictures on his mantle. I looked at all his memories encapsulated into a small half-a-square-foot area. I saw one picture of him with the educational board of Sebago. He stood clean-shaven in the middle, and on his right, the representative of the school board was shaking hands with the leader of the teachers' union. He had been a real peacemaker. I saw another picture of him when he was at the New York Stock Exchange. Behind him, there was picture of a stock graph, presumably his company's, and it was doing well. The graph indicated that his company was doing well.

There were other pictures of him with his daughters. I saw a few of the beach at Sebago. One caught my eye especially. It was a picture of him, holding his daughters, when they were very young. I guessed this must have been from the time he found them. Then, without warning, another picture fell out of the frame from behind it. The picture fell face-first onto his mantle. I put down the frame and reached for that other picture.

However, when I looked at the fallen picture, my eyes grew wide, and I was completely suprised. I saw something in the picture I never expected. I now knew the source of his solitude, and why nobody associated with him. This picture shocked me beyond belief.

"Of course," I said, "I noticed that you live as far away from everyone as possible."

"Did you?" he asked sarcastically, "If they wanted me back, they would have called."

"They're too afraid to." I said, "They still love you. They still want you to be an active member of the community."

"They can ask." Arnold slouched over, "I don't care about them. I don't think I can care about anything except those two anymore."

"Why'd you lose it?" I asked.

"What?"

"You cared before." I told him, "You resolved strikes, donated to charities, you were the nicest man on the shores of Sebago Lake. Everybody loved you. And I know they felt like you turned their back on them, but you didn't. You can get reinvolved with the community again."

"You don't understand." Arnold focused directly on me, "I have a secret I need to keep. It's very important."

"Secret?" I asked, "Oh right, your daughters..."

"Yes." Arnold said, "They need their father as much as I need them. And if I were to go out and resume my largesse as I am known for, what happens when somebody realizes those two girls have the same ears as me? What happens when somebody gets suspicious because they have the same hair as me?"

"Just say you're their father." I told him, "Nobody's every going to think that you carried them. Just say their mother is in Greece, and incapable of raising the kids."

"Sure." Arnold turned away from me, "And make myself look like the bad guy? Look, I've gone over every possible scenario in my head. There's not one cenario that doesn't make me look like a freak, bad guy, or total jerk."

"There's got to be one." I said.

"Believe me, there isn't." Arnold said, "I gave up searching years ago."

"New oppotunities arise." I told him, "You can't just say there will never be any."

"There won't be any." he told me, "Nothing's changed. And how about yourself? What's your plan for when your little one comes, hm? What do you have in mind?"

"Well I-" I stopped my sentence as I was a little embarassed about my plan, "I'm going to dress as a woman, sneak up to Canada, move back through the border, and have my baby in the US. Then I'm getting a sex-change operation."

Anrold laughed heartily at this, "That'll sure work for me!" he was very sarcastic.

"Hey, I have a plan." I said, "It might sound stupid, but at least I don't shut myself off from society!"

"Good luck." Arnold said, "I guarantee you, when your little one comes, you'll be too embarassed to show anyone. It's happened to me."

"I'm not the same person as you." I argued, "I have a different life."

"You do realize that this has happened before, right?" Arnold said, "I'm not the first, you know that?"

"Really?" Matthew said, "But then how-"

"Very simple." Arnold said, "While I was pregnant, I did the liberty of researching male pregnancy. I found seventeen different men who confided in me that they carried their children. The first guy I found had his son in 1973. And you know what he did? He moved away to a small county, and never kept in contact with anyone, not even his son. Then there was this guy named McAllister. You know what he did when he had his son in '88? He boarded up his door and windows so that he could give birth in private. When his son was five years old he checked himself into a mental institution, and demaded solitary confinement."

"That's them." I said, "It was a different time. They probably didn't have plans."

"You think so?" Arnold asked, "I met a High School kid who was raped by the captain of the football team. He got pregnant, and killed himself. You must have imagined the shock the cornoner had when they found a fetus in his abdomen. Another man named Jensen, or something like that, only reently had a baby. This was probably two years ago. This man had a stable life, he lived in California, had a husband, and had a stable job. After he had his baby, he set on a solo circumnavigation, and went missing. You see? Male pregnancy causes people to want to be isolated."

"Those are other people!" I yelled as I felt a lump well up in my throat.

"I said the same thing when I was in your position." Arnold said, "It's just-" he stopped when he saw a tear form in my eye. You know, it's okay." he said, "There's nothing wrong with hermitage."

"I'm sorry." I began to cry, "I'm just so emotional."

"It'll be okay." Arnold said, "Everybody makes it work."

"No." I said, "I'll be a hermit, never ever wanting to come back to society."

"That's not the case." Arnold said, "Come here."

Arnold hugged me to make me feel better. "Hey." Arnold told me, "You want to know something? Even if you do end up being a hermit like myself, you'll never ever worry about it, because you'll have a beautiful boy with you. He'll make you're life complete."

"Really?" I asked.

"Really." Arnold said, "And I did forget to tell you one other story of another man I met. I met him when I was pregnant in Greece. I was despairing much like yourself, but then I met a man named Rowan. He was a gay man who lived with his boyfriend in New York City. He had gotten pregnant years before I had. And you know something, "He still sees his friends. He still is in contact with his family. His parents know they have a grandchild that was born of their son. His doctor, neighbors, friends, and family all keep the whole situation quiet, so nobody even figures it out. He's not an outcast, he learned to live with what happened to him."

"That's good for him." I said.

"Yeah." Arnold told me, "And not a day goes by when I don't think of him with envy."

"Yeah." Arnold said, "Of course, she doesn't exist according to the census. She's been in hiding."

"Why?" I asked, "She's not a criminal technically."

"She's not technically a criminal, but many feel otherwise." Arnold said, "And besides, the woman's insane. She must be completely out of her mind to do this."

"There's got to be a reason." I said, "Why would this woman drive by farms all over the United States to spread that infectuous additive?"

"I don't know." Arnold said back to me with all deliberate seriousness, "Maybe it's just to prove some point. Maybe she's atoning for something."

"She has this idea in her head." I said, "And for some reason it's lingering there."

"What can we do about it?" Arnold asked, "We're just a few of her nameless rabble of victims."

"Where does she live?" I asked.

"Her car, is my guess." Arnold said, "The woman makes no home. She comes from Nebraska, and is seen in New England so often every summer. She's reportedly on the West Coast in spring, and she traverses the sunbelt in autumn. No one can explain her methods."

"I will." I said, "I'll find her."

"You can't find her!" Arnold laughed at me, "She's the most elusive maniac in the country!"

"Leave it to me." I said, "You said she traverses the sunbelt in autumn? How much does it take to fly to the sunbelt?"

"Are you joking?" Arnold laughed again, "You won't find her!"

"I know I will." I said, "Just give me something to go off of."

"I have no clue." Arnold said, "You have no clue either! You'll just be going around in circles!"

"I'll find my way." I said, "I have instinct."

"What instinct?" Arnold said, "You're taking this whole 'glow' thing I talked to you about too far. You're too pregnant, you can't go!"

"That's not true." I told him, "The marking gives me instinct."

"Marking?" Arnold asked. Just then, I realized I didn't tell him about the Crimson Marking. But hopefully as a pregnant man he would understand. I must have happened to him too. "What marking are you talking about?"

"You know, the burn mark on your belly." I said, "The one with that weird but distinct shape."

"What?" Arnold seemed to be faking me.

"Don't you have a red-colored scar on your belly from your pregnancy?"

Arnold lifted up his shirt to show me. There was nothing there. There was only a clean-shaven stomach face, almost fully flat, with no special features.

"Interesting..." I began.

"Care to tell me about the marking?" he asked.

I lifted up my shirt to show him what ahppened to me. The Crimson Marking became fully visible. He looked stunned to see it.

"That's no ordinary stretch mark." he said, "That's something else."

"I've never showed anyone this." I said, "I was hoping you'd have seen it before?"

"No." Arnold said, "I've never seen anything like that." He puased to look closer at my stomach, "It looks like something familiar. Like a shape."

"Doesn't it?" I asked, "I've been telling myself that since I got pregnant!"

"How long has that been there?" he asked.

"Since the moment I've gotten pregnant." I said, "I have no idea what it means."

"Well..." Arnold was speechless, "It looks like it's changing shape along with your belly."

"It is." I said, "And it gives me instinct."

"Instinct?" Arnold asked, "From a scar?"

"Yes." I said, "I look at the scar, and every time that I see it, I think that it is leading me to something. Something big. Something I will want to be a part of. Something to do with this baby."

"Like fate." Arnold said, "You can't ignore it."

"Exactly." I said, "Just like fate."

Since that conversation, four weeks had passed, and I found myself waking up in a motel room in Gallup, New Mexico. I woke up feeling very tired, and with a slight headache. I sat up in my bed and felt the strange taste in my mouth. I wished I hadn't gone to bed so late the night before, but time called for it, and I really needed to pick up the pace.

I sat up in my bed and gazed around the room. There was one small TV, which I wouldn't use. It probably wouldn't work anyway. There was one shelf, and a bureau drawer. There was a tacky, but frilly lamp sitting on the dresser. It made me feel awkward when I had to reach for the light. The shades were closed, but light seeped through the cloth blinds, turning the entire room orange. I felt the baby roll over inside me when I sat up. I placed my hand on my belly to feel what happened. As everything calmed down, I stood up, and looked at the clock. It was ten minutes until eight o'clock, and I had a lot of driving to do.

It took all my strength I had at the moment to stand up from that bed. I waddled quietly over tot he bathroom. The baby weight was really throwing me off now. It had been all this time. I wasn't prepared for this.

I entered the bathroom, and flicked on the fluorescent light. The light crackled on after a few blinks. I stared at myself in the mirror. I stared at my face, which became a little ragged since I had left Maine. Even though this pregnancy made my facial hair grow slower, it was still coming out. I thought I should shave, but decided against it for no reason I could think of. I just wanted it. I turned on the faucet and let the water run until it became warm. I bent my head down towards the faucet, and splashed some water on my face. I began to wake up a little more because of this. I woke up enough that I recalled the last few weeks. I recalled every day since I had left Maine.

I remember, I rented a car after I drove down to Nashua, New Hampshire, and took it on my great long journey. Only after about two day's worth of driving, I finally came to my first destination, Albuquerque, New Mexico. I began my search for the elusive Lizette DiAngelo. My first search returned nothing. I spent a day just looking around Albuquerque for this one woman, I had no idea how to find. Of course, I met some people there who had heard about Lizette, and told me I was looking in the wrong place. "Look around Tucson." They said, "There's some irrigated fields there she likes to tamper with."

So, I drove down to Tucson, after another long day's worth of driving. I did check out the fields there that were mentioned, but I never saw a trace of Ms. DiAngelo. But I received yet another clue telling me to look in Palm Springs. Someone had told me she had a residence there.

A week later I arrived in Palm Springs, only to find that the trail ended there. Ms. DiAngelo never had a residence there, or anywhere as far as anyone could tell. She was completely nomadic. So, I backtracked through Phoenix, Arizona, where I kept a steady watch for her signs. I looked for any glowing crops in the fields, or any sort of tainted agriculture. There was nothing. I continued to head East for another week, until I finally drove through Las Cruces, New Mexico, to El Paso, Texas.When I arrived in El Paso, I was in haste, because it was October 22nd, and i had only four days to get to Boston. I got a ticket for a flight to Boston from Flagstaff Arizona, that would take me to Chuck in time. So, I drove back through Santa Fe, New Mexico, and Albuquerque, and I arrived where I was now.

Today was the Twenty-Fifth, if I could so recall. October twenty-fifth, only a day before I had to be in Flagstaff. I had just about exhausted all the resources at my command, including the money Chuck had left me. I felt ashamed, because I had been planning on giving him back the surplus. But there was no surplus. The search had been over the minute it had began.

I knew she existed, I knew Lizette DiAngelo was real, of course finding one specific elderly woman in the Southwest is nearly impossible, given how the population only gathers in large, bustling cities. Of course, when I looked in between the urban areas, there was nothingness. I drove past towering mesas on the trans-continental highways. There were often no clouds in the sky above me, only a blazing sun which would bake the desert to a crisp. I expected to meet Ms. DiAngelo in some trailer park living out in the middle of tumbleweeds, and red rock formations. But that wasn't the case either. I had to keep moving now. I missed her, and I would probably never find her.

The baby squirmed inside me once again, and I sat down on the side of the bathtub, to give myself a few moments with just parent and child. I placed both my hands on my belly, one on top and one on bottom. I rubbed it repeatedly, and protectively, and I closed my eyes. There was no movement afterwards, just a period of calm. I could feel the baby beginning to feel despair just as I was. The quest to find its creator failed, and I was to blame. It was sad, but I knew I wouldn't disappoint anyone. I just wanted to get home again. The baby made mo movement, just stayed peaceful for a few moments. I now believed it had gone to sleep, and was dreaming about whatever it knew. So just as everything became peaceful, I moved again, this time to grab whatever I had and leave.

Now it was five minutes to eight, and I had to be in Flagstaff by tonight. My flight to Boston would leave in the middle of the night, and arrive in Boston the following morning. That was a pain about flying west-to-east. The time changes are brutal.

I walked over to the bed. Next to it was my suitcase, in which I had everything I had brought with me. It was all I was living with now. I quickly changed my clothes before packing it up completely. I zipped it up tightly, making sure everything was in there. I didn't want to lose it now. I brought the suitcase over to the door, and turned off the bathroom light. I went over to the window, and opened the shades. The light flooded in the room, but I could still see over the desert hills to the city of Gallup. There were houses spread out across square-block streets, and a few businesses and warehouses. What impressed me was that there was nothing else around. It was all desert outside here. And I would cross it today. What a life I lived.

I walked back over to the door, and took one last look at the clock. Eight o'clock, it read. I had to be out of here. What a life, indeed.