Uuu, auch, uuu, BURP!!!

-          Oh for God Lord you can’t even stop to burp during contractions. Is so nasty.

-          Sorry babe.. I think is this royal crown cola. Has too uuu auch auu gas.

-          Ya, ya. And with Pepsi, coke, mountain dew even with orange juice……

The one who was telling me how disgusting my burping was is my beloved wife Mary.  We are in the middle of my hard labor... How I became pregnant? My name is Jorge and this is my story:

BABY COUPLE.

One hot day of spring in San Francisco I went to a small library in the gay street of El Castro to find a book about Mayas culture. I was really interested in the culture of my ancient. Indeed I was born in the U.S.A but my family came from the south of Mexico. Close to the frontier with El Salvador. My father was one of the best carpenter in the south of California and my mom was a Spanish teacher in a little school close to our house.  We have a good house in San Francisco, a good life...

When I was just having a look at one old book, a lovely señorita just came to me back silently and said: this is the best book you can find about the Mayas culture. Explain so good the theory about their calendar and how its end in 2012.

-          Thanks (I said sounding a bit shy maybe because her silent entrance and the way she looks so natural and so truly beautiful).  I’m just having a look. I really love Mayas culture. My family is Mexican, from the frontier with El Salvador, where the Mayas lived. 

-          Wow. I was in Mexico 3 years ago with a NGO where I give a hand, we help to built houses to women in Ciudad Juarez, is so cruel what they have to live there.

-          Sorry If I’m a bit too  daring  but I really like you and I’ve never done that before (I said with my voice shaking) but would you like to take a coffee with me after finish work. I think we can have a nice conversation about books, Mexico, etc…

-          Why not? I like so much Latinos boys. Even you got not the typical strong Mexican accent, you look good. What about 8 o’clock in the bar in front the shop. They got the best frapuchino out of Starbucks and nice desserts.

-          Sounds good. My name is Jorge and yours?

-          Mary, nice to meet you.

-          Me too Mary. I’ll see you at 8. Bye.Five days later we move into a small flat in the Castro. Maybe you think we were acting like two crazy teenagers but we feel in love just with the first kiss after taste the best frapuccino of the gay downtown.  The place wasn’t big or even looking good. Was kind of the typical old one full of dampness and with some furniture full of woodworm.  But after all was our love nest. Our place to share our love, our life.  We were young and full of life. And with a bit of painting and the help of my dad, after 3 months of hard job the flat look finally like a home.

5 years later Mary and I get married. We didn’t want to wait more for celebrate our love, and like we bought the flat and we had plans to have a family we think we have to go one step farther. We were happy and we had the best wedding possible. Ok we leave my mom contract a mariachis band and the time my uncle was on stage after 20 tequilas singing my way was a little embarrassing but at the end was good and everyone got fun. When we get married we thought to run looking for the stork to come to our house. But wasn’t the easier we thought. A 1 year and a half after tried month after month, all the kamasutra posture, all the different ways, all the Grandmas tricks, we were tired to find the fucking bloody period every 20 of the month. She was regular as a clock. Both were young and healthy people. We didn’t understand why that baby didn’t want to full our house of laughs and happiness.  In the year after we visited about 10 OB, her ovum was fertile and mine sperm was good, but somehow we can’t get pregnant for any reason.  After tried the best doctor of California, my grandma spoke me about a chaman a kind of witch doctor that lives in her hometown. He was a maya who got real powers to help couples get pregnant.  And you don’t know how desperate we were that my Mary didn’t ask about how or what kind of stupid thing was. We took the car and drove about 5 hours to arrive to the hometown of my family: Chimaltenango. Other  1 hour of drive more through the jungle and we finally find her little shack. He was really old, maybe close to his nineties. We didn’t say a word when he took his hand and placed in my wife’s womb. This place can be seed but before that the seed has to be inside the love to be seeded you need to trust in me. Mary was scared about him, without any word he knew what we were looking for him.   He took a green paste on a mangrove swamp leaf and said: put this paste into her belly and leave it for one hour, after that cleaned with your dick and then make love.  You will see the result on the next full moon... Trust me. We drove all the way back to San Francisco with a big smile and full of hopes. .. The night when we arrived we tried the paste, wasn’t a good experience: bad smelt, feel my dick like a nacho in a plate of guacamole. But we did for our wanted baby and we wait until the full moon came but nothing happens. One more time another letdown. She was desperate, thinking how stupid we were believing in witches and a fucking guacamole in my dick….. We started to think maybe was time to go on the way of the adoption.

3 months later we’ve begun the proceedings to the adoption. Mary was very happy about the idea of a little Mexican boy or girl running in our house. In my case I was a bit sick, not about the idea of adopt a Mexican baby, I was really physically sick. Puking every morning, having some bad mood swings. Also after 3 months of puking all I ate my belly was getting bit distended like a kind beer belly when I never took a glass of alcohol. Mary was starting to find me unattractive after all. I was a healthy boy with a healthy  body. Not muscular but with a flat belly and practically all skin and bones. I found how she avoid me at bed time until one night tired of feel so ugly and miserable I said to her:

-          Mary we have to speak. It’s about one week you go to sleep earlier or later than me. Always avoid me. Don’t want sex. What’s happens babe?

-          I’m sorry love… I know I have to love you no matter how you look but you’re all day puking your breath smells horrible and look at your belly look like you begun to drink.

-          I’m not you know that. I don’t know why, but I puke all day and I’m getting big like crazy…. It’s seems unbelievable.

-          Ohhh (she said remembering something) you remember what the stupid Mexican chaman said: you can’t be seed until your love seed is seeded. YOU’RE FUCKING PREGNANT!!!!!!!!!

-          WHAT?? YOU’RE CRAZY I CAN’T GET PREGNANT. I AM A MAN….. I think he cheat on us. He was a big liar.

-          No, no, Jorge. Think it: puking, morning sickness, growing a belly very smooth and hard... Maybe that’s what he said, I only can get pregnant when yourself was pregnant and take me.

-          Wow. I know we want this baby so badly, but we can’t believe that idea. SEEMS IMPOSIBLE. MEN CAN GET PREGNANT.

-          Ok. I got a Clearblue at bathroom. Drink water and pee on it, we will see what happen.

After 2 gallons of water I pee on the stick. Nothing happens, until a little buzz came from the machine and the machine said: congratulations you’re 12 weeks pregnant. We look each other without can’t believe those words and suddenly she said to me:

-          Fuck me Jorge fuck me… I want my baby. I want my pregnant husband inside me……..ps:I hope I got time to this story. also any help or comments are really wellcome